J.E. Burgoyne

Once upon a time, a long time ago, October called a meeting of the months of the year. When they had finally gathered, October had a difficult time getting everyone’s attention away from the flirty months May and June. Then July walked in and she’s so hot, someone had to open a window. “Excuse me,” October said again. His sinister voice sent chills through the months closest to him, but he was too quiet to get everyone’s attention. “Alright people! October is speaking!” December had their full attention, and before anyone knew it, he was gone again. “Thank you. As you know, I have called you all here. The matter being: I need a holiday. November has Thanksgiving, December has multiple holidays. January has the New Year. February has Valentine’s Day, March has St. Patrick’s Day, April not only claims April Fool’s Day, but also shares Easter some years. Kids love May because school gets out, June is in the throes of summer. Every day is a holiday in June—“ “That’s for s...

I didn't want to do it. Let's be clear on that. I wish everyone was here so I could tell them "I told you so." But they're not. Halloween falls on Tuesday this year. Of all the lousy days of the week. I'm doing my homework after school and Avalon calls. Everyone is going on a hike. My heart flips. Everyone? Yes. Everyone. Where is the hike? It doesn't matter which hike and by the way, they're leaving right now. And can I bring my car? I tell her I have homework. "Sam, for one night in a year. Just pretend that you know how to have fun. Harrison can drive and you can study." I grab my work and head over. They don't say hi, just pile into my car. Harrison, Avalon, Olivia, and Oliver. Avalon wants to sit next to Harrison. They tell me to sit in the back with Olivia and Oliver. I push my glasses up my nose and get back to work, swallowing nausea as we drive. Harrison is not a good driver. They pass out water bottles whe...

When I think of the scariest experiences in my life, they don’t usually include anything we acknowledge at Halloween. A loved one is diagnosed with an incurable disease, for example. I haven’t been through too many scary experiences. But there is a spooky one I’d like to relate in the name of Halloween. I was eighteen with a terrible habit of coming home past midnight. I drove down the silent middle-class suburban neighborhood where I lived in my parents’ house. It was excellently illuminated by street lights. I parked my trusty Chevy-Tracker, Ted, in front of the house and came inside. It was completely dark. My family was all asleep. Except for my brother who was still out. I went upstairs and collapsed on my bed before realizing I had left my phone in my car. So I went downstairs and opened the door. I had a strange feeling that I was being watched. I couldn’t help but hurry to the car. I had this nagging feeling that I wasn’t safe. I grabbed my phone, locked my car...

Introduction Halloween Time! It started at our house somewhere mid-August when the kids started asking about -Christmas and I explained how much closer Halloween was. I have a love-hate relationship with Halloween. I don’t like how eager everyone is to load my kids up with sugar. And let’s face it: I’m not a horror fan. I used to LOVE the spooks and chills that come with zombies, ghosts, and witches. Not so much anymore. But I do love the parties. And the costumes! Of course, planning the costumes for each person in my family…can be challenging. Sometime in the middle of September, I sat my family down and asked them what they wanted their costumes to be. Because seriously, the costumes come up in August and sell out really fast. By  October it’s like “Okay kid, do you want Deadpool or do we want to go as the color green this year?” Actually, I would never let them be Deadpool. My two-year-old wanted to be anything my four-year-old wanted to be and they ...